Memory loss coming on!

One of my followers on Twitter posted this tweet and I could understand just how he felt! Sometimes life’s just like that -  after a weekend partying, hitting the books for exams, going through a stressful relationship break up or just too much of everything!

I’ve seen lots of Twitter jokes about memory loss – like this one: Memory loss runs in my family – um, do I have a family? Or
When my doctor knew I had memory loss, she made me pay in advance.

But it isn’t really a joke because if your memory is being affected so much that you are forgetting things, then the what is causing the stress needs to be taken seriously.

What are the warning signs of stress?

Rapid breathing, increased heart rate, withdrawal, headaches, chain smoking, chest pains, insomnia, ulcers, and reduced sex drive. These symptoms often lead to thoughts and feelings of despair or panic (I’m doomed, I’ll never succeed, I’m useless). And of course, stress can mean dollars lost, projects delayed, poor morale, arguments with friends, poor heath, and failure in your job. So, although the jokes are a bit of fun, stress bad enough to cause memory loss is far from a joke.

I’ve just moved house and taken up a new job so I’ve been feeling a bit stressed lately. How can I tell? I put out my mobile to be sure to take it to work – then left it behind on the table where I placed it so carefully. I wake up in the middle of the night with a To Do list rolling round in my head. I spend minutes searching for an important paper that is actually sitting on the desk where I placed it. Silly things that wouldn’t happen if I was thinking straight, and not stressed

There are many natural stressors in our lives, both positive and negative. A constant barrage of noise, being fired, facing fierce competition, the death of someone close or divorce cause a lot of stress for us. So do moving, starting a new job, making a large purchase, going on holiday, marriage…any of these circumstances evoke our emotions . while some are joyful, often the opposite is the case, causing worry, grief, or depression. All stressors cause tension and tension is the enemy of memory.

Time honoured ways of reducing stress include:

1. Relaxation: When anxious, find a friend, a book, or learn relaxation techniques. This can take the form of breathing exercises, a gradual relaxation of the body, or an imaging process. At first the mind technique you choose may take half an hour to ‘bring you down’, but once you become adept all it need is ten seconds or so.
2. Time Management: Manage your phone calls and interruptions. Make a daily plan: this helps accomplish critical or urgent jobs, the ones that create the most stress and take the highest toll on memory. The simpler the management plan, the better
3. Cut yourself some slack: Tell yourself that mistakes happen and the world hasn’t ended and that there is usually no one clear right and wrong way to do things, and so on.
4. Assert yourself in a tactful, flexible way which makes your needs and wants known but does not cause aggression and anger. Try using statements with “I believe…” or “I would like to try…” rather than “you…” This negotiating approach is much less stressful and more likely to be successful.
5. Problem solving. Evaluate many possible solutions, then decide and implement the one that seems best. This frees your thinking and memory capacity.
6. Risk-taking. Be willing to be embarrassed and non-traditional. Have fun. The discomfort of opening yourself up will gradually fade as you experiment by taking risks. As life becomes more satisfying, you can be more relaxed about the way your life is progressing; your stress will lessen, and your memory will improve.

If you feel stress coming on, take 90 seconds to:

1. STOP. Abandon what you are doing
2. RELAX. Free your mind of distractions
3. THINK. Identify your irrational and panicky thoughts and replace them with positive statements.
4. RISK. Break the routine; try something new.

It happened to me in a very public way many years ago, and I can still remember the occasion now. I was a competitive dancer and I had practised and practised a spectacular new step. I couldn’t wait to perform it as one of a series of six different dance movements.

All was going well until I came to the point where the new step was to be performed and I stopped. My mind was a blank. You see, I’d practised the step on its own and not in sequence, so under the pressure of competition, my memory couldn’t cope.

Pressure on your memory comes from many quarters: when you’re tense, afraid or in panic; when you’re under pressure, multi-tasking or feel angry, emotionally charged or under threat. Feelings of loneliness, insecurity or confusion can all lead to mental blocks and, in the midst of the ever-increasing pace of our technological world, these blank moments occur in even the youngest of adults. What is usually happening is that the sustained release of adrenalin actually decreases the efficiency of essential brain connections required for you to remember well. Your memory is a complex and amazing set of reactions and processes which work best when you are not stressed and operating in ‘normal’ mode.

So what can be done to clear a mental block?

Firstly, it’s important to check that there is nothing physical causing the condition, particularly if it is happening more frequently than twice a week. Stress , if sustained over a long period of time, can cause mental blocks, so honestly evaluate how you rate on a stress questionnaire.

Relaxation is a key factor in clearing mental blocks, so take a few deep breaths and exhale slowly. Rotate your shoulders and loosely shake your arms and hands to relieve tension. Don’t panic – if you are in a public situation, make a humorous comment and move on. Find another way to continue and, chances are, the lost thought will pop back into your mind seconds later.

Thinking about the task you were undertaking in a different way will sometimes clear the block, also. Re-framing your thinking and looking at other possibilities will also give you new brain connections to approach the task.

A famous problem was solved when the makers of hotel elevators tried to overcome the many complaints they received about the slowness of even their newest elevators. After spending a lot of time analyzing the machinery and the physical impact on patrons of increased elevator speeds, some clever thinkers redefined the problem. Why did hotel guests complain? Why did the lifts seems so slow? Answer: Because they had nothing to do while they were waiting! When visible screens indicated the progress of the elevator, and mirrors were installed inside and outside the elevators, the complaints ceased.

Trust your brain – given the right conditions, your brain will remember. If you can control the factors surrounding you at the time, mental blocks will be a thing of the past. Or, if they occur, you know what to do. Relax, laugh, re-frame and respond.

For more information, read Keep that Boomer Brain Growing

Sam in control of his life, his job and his stress.

I was just about to grab my car keys and get on my way to the office when my mobile rang. I quickly checked caller ID and was surprised to see a colleague’s name.

“Why’s Sam ringing me at this time of the morning – he should be almost at work by now”, ran through my mind. It was Sam,and he said he had to see me – it was urgent. Could I drop by on my way to work? He sounded odd on the phone – spoke kind of disjointed and sounded tearful. Bad enough for me to call Sarah to put my appointments on hold. I set off for Sam’s place and a whole gamut of potential disasters that might be facing me ran through my mind as I drove.

Sam met me at the door and he looked strained and white-faced. He wasn’t dressed for work and he looked as if he hadn’t slept. It all came out in a rush as Sam’s wife Joan hovered, worried, in the background.

‘Thanks for coming, Gillian. I can’t face going in to work and I didn’t know what else to do but call you. Look, I love the job, you know that. But I can’t face the thought of my desk: there’s that implementation time-line I didn’t get finished, emails I haven’t answered, calls I know I should have made two days ago. I don’t know, they went out of my mind and ….. I just don’t think I’m up to it any more. And yesterday, I forgot to go to the department meeting where I was explaining our strategy for upgrading the network. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I can’t remember the way I used to and the supervisor’s on my back and I know he thinks I’m past it.’ And so it went on.

Sam’s a great employee and knows the company through and through. As he talked, I could see a pattern of overload and stress turning a key employee from an alert mover and shaker into a forgetful, distracted mess who couldn’t even face coming into a workplace he’s helped to shape.

So what did we do?
Well, it took a while and I worked with Sam and his wife to sort out exactly where the stressors were coming from and how they could be tackled. It’s different for individuals, of course, because each situation and environment is different. But for Sam, here’s what we identified:

Firstly, he wasn’t losing his memory, which was what he had feared. He was just so stressed that his memory skills were going on hold.

Secondly, when we looked at Sam’s work pattern, I was shocked to find that his commitment to task-completion meant that he rarely left the office before it was dark, he often went in at weekends and he still took work home with him. Emails chased him home and he did his best to please everyone.

And the requirements of the new network involved a set of skills and knowledge which he was trying to get on top of, and floundering, simply because he couldn’t find time to focus on this. He began feeling helpless.
He wasn’t sleeping and the kids weren’t getting much of a look-in, either. Joan didn’t say anything, but I could see that the family was under strain in this whole scenario.

Basically, work had taken over Sam’s whole life – he could think of nothing else and he’d become obsessed by the problems that were overwhelming him.

It took a while, but I’m pleased to say that Sam and Joan played a round of golf with my husband and me on Saturday, and we seemed to have our old Sam back. I’ve given you the bare bones of Sam’s action plan below and I guess there is good advice for all of us in it.

1. Sam joined the work gym and committed himself to going 4 times a week for at least 20 minutes.
2. He made time to talk with his supervisor to let him know what the situation was and what he was doing about it. Sam wasn’t looking forward to this but told me later that it had been a very positive and supportive conversation.
3. He made a To Do list which, with my help, he prioritized into four categories: Urgent and Important, Urgent and Not Important, Not Urgent but Important, Not Urgent and Not Important (these he delegated to another staff member). Already he was beginning to see some light at the end of his very long tunnel.
4. He regulated his work day, allocated realistic time-frames to what had to be done and ‘gave himself permission’ to leave some tasks unfinished until the next day.
5. He took his meal breaks and Joan made sure that he was including good brain food in his diet.
6. He signed up for a training course in the operation of the network – he made time to get on top of one of his major tech stressors.
7. Much to his boys’ delight, he pulled out all of his model aeroplane kits from under the workbench and decided that they would build a brand new Piper Cub to fly in the local club competition.
8. He went back to golf (he had let his membership lapse and hadn’t held the clubs for about four years).

The ‘old’ Sam is back on the team and, to my knowledge, he’s never forgotten another face, name or appointment. He’s also never forgotten how close he was to burnout and forced retirement.

If Sam’s story rings any bells for you, take action: identify what is causing you stress and develop an action plan that includes looking after your own health, time for relaxation, sorting out any personal conflicts or tech stress, and making sure that your family comes first. They are the ones who care for you most.

For more helpful information, look up Brain Food the Easy Way and Never Lose Things Again